The Lady with the Getting Ready Regime

Lot of people from time immemorial have mentioned to me about my vulnerability at getting irritated by things which don’t concern me. About things out of my control or my reign.

I have spent now roughly one and half years spending roughly two hours of every working day traveling to and fro office. So how has it been? Well, not the same every day. There are lot of days when I just open a book and then go off to sleep. Sometimes I keep staring out of the window, thinking of million stray thoughts.

Then there are days, a little rare but here and there they come. One thing grabs my attention and the rest of my ride the more I try to avoid, the more persistently it nags me. The “thing” could be …. Sigh…. Just thinking of it unsettles me. Eiu… well, sometimes a down with cold person. A sneezer. Sometimes a shamelessly relaxed fellow, who would occupy more than his/her share of space, the more I shift to keep some space, the more they would gobble it up. Till date I have never been able to tell them it bothers me. I have rather shifted seats if they are available, otherwise just sit and sulk.

Then there was this super sick day. Oh God. This gentleman just diagonally opposite to me was digging the goldmine of his nose. He did not give up till we reached office some one hour late, and I though looking in some other direction would be aware of the incessant dig, dig, dig. And every now and then out of exasperation I would tun to look in his direction to reassure myself,"now it is stopped, now I can stare ahead" only to repulsed more. Ugh.

And today I took my seat in the bus, next to a lady on the three seater seat, with my bag and hers sitting happily between us. I noticed as I was sitting that she was putting on her socks, those flesh coloured ones . It reminded me of a kid who got out of home in hurry. I smile(inwardly).

Then she starts combing her hair. It was wet. Oh boy she did step out in hurry. I look at the watch. 9 in the morning. Makes sense maybe she didnt want to miss the last bus to office. I open my book and start reading, the bus moves and stops, stops and moves in the heavy traffic. Once in a while I look out taking note of the honking vehicles around me. Look in the direction of the door. See the people streaming into the bus at every stop.

Maybe some five minutes had gone by; I realize she is still combing her hair. And boy I have noticed; now I cannot rest till she closes the activity. And does she go on. I wonder is it therapeutic? Is it soothing cause she doesnt seem to be untangling her hair any more, she just keeps dipping her comb in every now and then, pulls few strands out of the comb, dumps the strands out of the window. And harps on my agony by going on and on. But the moment does arrive when she stops it all, and decides she has plucked enough for the day and keeps the comb in her purse.

Whew ! Look at the watch, the minute hand somewhere between 10 and 15. Peace for the rest of the trip. Nah she takes out a little bottle and starts the deadly application of a body lotion for the next eternity. What was wrong with her. She thought she was sitting in her trailer park for her to get ready for the next shot. She applied the moisturizer in three goes on both her arms, and so slowly as if someone out there with a camera to shoot her. So slowly time stretched, stretched till I felt like reaching out and throwing the bottle out.

And her antics went on at leisure for her, she went on applying the lotion on any goddamn exposed part of her body. It felt more horrible than when people start discussing their very personal problems in the very public buses we have. And she closed her ceremony by putting on gold ornaments (bangles on both wrists, three rings, one chain, a pair of earrings) and every single item was brought out separately and put on.

She took half an hour to do all which can be done in five minutes.

Venture a guess why she did that, i think one of the following:
a) She just came back to civilization from somewhere, and was taking pleasure in every little thing which is a gift of civilization.
b) The kind who have given womankind a bad name. The ones who take hours to get ready.
c) Narcissist.
d) Plain Psycho!

Aerosmith were here

Whoa! They are another kind. These western musicians, showmen, performers.

[Few days back]: Even as i logged into the website to book my tickets for the show, i lacked the excitement which should serve as the motive behind spending Rs.1800 . I lacked the enthusiasm to drive to palace grounds in insane traffic and stand long hours to watch the band perform for 1 and half hours. I had second thoughts as an image of the band flashes in front of me. Do i want to do this. Look at them, somewhere near as old as my grand dad, wearing leather pants. Wearing make-up, hair done, clothes picked for a costume party. Who are they kidding? Well near about a few million people. And also fooling those who don't believe in being fooled, to still walk in wondering what the fuss is all about.

Well then why did i go? Hear me out, whoever i have adored have been less and my affection for them also transitory. Years after i had gotten past Bryan Adams he still keeps coming to India. When i wanted to go for the Strings concert in Pune, mom was home to see me. When Euphoria performed in my company, i had no idea they would be coming, i had taken the very day off. Oh how i writhed in pain and tortured myself at only if it had been. Finally i knew i was going to see them perform, the time was right, these were the people i had been listening to past many months. Indian Ocean was to come to IIMB, nothing could go wrong, no other appointment waiting for me, nobody could impose on my time. Friday evening i get so excited i am telling any remotely familiar face i meet that i am going to see them.I get the signs of chicken pox erupting over me the very next morning.

So here i was standing in queue to collect tickets for this show of not so loved by me band. And i stand and i stand and we stand, we; me and all these newly introduced friends of a college batch mate. Another compromise when i go with somebody when both of us work hard to tolerate each other. After 2 and half hours of standing in partly stinking partly smoked increasingly pressing on you crowd, it begins.

From where i stood, this time i was sure it was not just another organiser.It was Joe Perry. With a white stole around his neck. On the dark stage, i could make him out by the light of the huge display behind. Boy, did i go crazy ! Yes i did! People you always see on TV, people who are a staple diet on music channel. A face which is mostly hidden by hair. A face you know so well. Of a person you know. A person you know through this extremely convoluted media. So much so you would recognize them any day they pass you by, but they live unaware of your existence. Strange world we have created here. A world of celebrities and common people. And there i was a common girl, jumping like crazy. I clutched the little hand next to me so tight. I was going crazy like crazy. Joe Perry in the flesh!So? Yeah its a big deal!


But soon Steve Tyler took over. And he does take over, he is there jumping ... nah horsing around the place. Lying down on speakers and trying to catch the air with his hands. Going and hugging Joe, almost eating his ears out. Fooling around all the time, the guy loves the stage. I don't know why but everybody else looked dead bored including Joe Perry, though he had ample shirts to change and take off in front of screaming females. Somehow my hysteria had disappeared as fast as it had appeared, but i still played along, swayed along with whatever songs i could recognize.Oh yeah screamed along, its so fun i wanna do the mindless screamign again. Though i was coughing a lil later.

Mr. Steve Tyler, the bouncing bundle of antics. Obliging the crowd with snaps, giving million priceless poses, but these are the best my cell could capture.

Joe did make a very memorable statement. "We have always wanted to come to India.... blah blah...India is very close to what Aerosmith believes in (places a hand on his chest), its not the elephant rides, not the paint thing you put on your hands. Its kama sutra, its also about messing around". Here i have done my bit to recreate the demi-Gods words.

All that was noticed at the show follows in random order, well not that the rest has been organised till now, but let me just try and finish it. Steve Tyler seemed to be trying to hard to make his grumpy band smile. His enthusiasm totally clashed with the straight faced performances by the rest of the band. "Mr. Joe Perry", as Steve would keep referring to him as did ample tit flashing. Changed his guitars as fast as he could. One with his wife's pic one it.
One of those with two guitars rolled in one. Here's a pic, i dunno what you call them. Then the other antics of blowing golden dust of his guitar. Playing it in all possible positions. Getting the drummer drum it around. Well quite entertaining. Did get me thinking they might as well have been fireworks brigade here to entertain us with the dazzle. Well no one ever said its all about the music. No one asked me to go.

But i am star struck. This entertainers from west sure can entertain even half-asleep or dead bored. Great night. Lasting images. The silly feeling of having gotten so close to these Gods. The delight, the joy, the euphoria carries me even through monday. I love grand performances and here it was.

I did not go as a fan and did not come back as one. Though i loved the experience, it was an experience strangely, an experience of how some amongst us are so above us. They are Gods maybe not equivalent to the devotion and the number of devotees that Indian Gods command but still they got there in spite of not being carved out of stones and marbles or mold out of metals. Strange world we have here.