Who the hell am i? Am i socially awkward? Only inwardly. I do things which make me cringe, take controlled breaths. But i keep doing them. So after a long time i went for a huge social gathering. I had abstained form them in my previous company, but since this is the first one in my new company i cant give it a skip. I have to give it a shot, and in all subsequent ones excuse yourself by saying i tried.
Well, it wasn't so bad, i might just go the next time it happens. But there is this bad taste in the mouth that stays the next day like a hangover. When you wake up next morning feeling that maybe you should have hob-nobbed a little less. Should have talked a little less.
Are there are two mes. One; left on my own i could just space out and stare at the sealing, just while the time away. But throw me among people, my awkwardness comes out by turning into this flitting social bug. My awkwardness is not with people, but with me. I am just not sure how to let out the other me in public. Or is it just two mes? Both of us dont understand each other. Sounding schizophrenic or Gemini?
Oh but i do understand one thing form yesterday. There are three kinds of people:
Those who will tell you what you want to hear.
Those who tell you what they want to say.
Those who tell you what they know you don't want to hear.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Crazy maybe i am
I am dying of boredom
I am so restless
I could burst out of the building and that wouldn’t be enough
This is like a pile of muck is piling exponentially fast on me.
Things are so still, among the clickety-clicks of key strokes that I might just drop into a coma and never wake.
The rant in my head seems to be receding quietly in a corner, somewhere I sit and watch dispassionately.
The faint voices echoing around me all speak this despicable tongue that it makes me want to stuff their mouths with old rotten rag pieces and then throw them in the elevator duct.
Getting rid of people cant become such a huge all consuming agenda, but God it has. Where have all of them come from, is this massive basicness going to suck the wind out of my lungs?
It is good if you are not spoiled by all the media hoop-la around you, but only if it’s a sage-like abstinence which drove you there not blatant ignorance.
When you are aware that Puri jagannath is a regional film director but not that it is actually a very famous place on the map of India.
When you keep asking what is F.R.I.E.N.D.S, maybe it is excusable but seriously where do you live, cause I know where you breathe the majority of your living day lights. And that unfortunately my co-worker is in this office space we share.
Scratching my nails on my cardigan laced elbow I meditate on this inward decay, taking in less and less of this stifling air but still continuing to breathe for eternity. Why have I slaved into this, where should I run to from here?
Would answers ever be equal to the question I have? Or will unanswered ever-spawning questions always haunt me?
I have no idea. This is crazy, things suddenly in this little moment seem to have gone out of control. But the strange thing is I know like a screaming lunatic is silenced with electric shocks, the complacency and insecurities in me will keep me tied to this dog’s life, cause I have become one.
I am so restless
I could burst out of the building and that wouldn’t be enough
This is like a pile of muck is piling exponentially fast on me.
Things are so still, among the clickety-clicks of key strokes that I might just drop into a coma and never wake.
The rant in my head seems to be receding quietly in a corner, somewhere I sit and watch dispassionately.
The faint voices echoing around me all speak this despicable tongue that it makes me want to stuff their mouths with old rotten rag pieces and then throw them in the elevator duct.
Getting rid of people cant become such a huge all consuming agenda, but God it has. Where have all of them come from, is this massive basicness going to suck the wind out of my lungs?
It is good if you are not spoiled by all the media hoop-la around you, but only if it’s a sage-like abstinence which drove you there not blatant ignorance.
When you are aware that Puri jagannath is a regional film director but not that it is actually a very famous place on the map of India.
When you keep asking what is F.R.I.E.N.D.S, maybe it is excusable but seriously where do you live, cause I know where you breathe the majority of your living day lights. And that unfortunately my co-worker is in this office space we share.
Scratching my nails on my cardigan laced elbow I meditate on this inward decay, taking in less and less of this stifling air but still continuing to breathe for eternity. Why have I slaved into this, where should I run to from here?
Would answers ever be equal to the question I have? Or will unanswered ever-spawning questions always haunt me?
I have no idea. This is crazy, things suddenly in this little moment seem to have gone out of control. But the strange thing is I know like a screaming lunatic is silenced with electric shocks, the complacency and insecurities in me will keep me tied to this dog’s life, cause I have become one.
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